5 Digital Etiquette Ideas from a Techno-Optimist
Some tips for self-regulation in an online world
Professional and personal lives today are deeply integrated with the digital world. Some health gurus, academics and lifestyle outlets offer challenges to reduce screen time or quit social media altogether. But many find these either impossible, due to work responsibilities or to social expectations from friends and family, or simply boring. It turns out people actually like sharing their vacation photos or texting long-distance pals, no matter what tech’s naysayers tell you.
And so the Internet, with all its wonderful inventions and opportunities, looms over our everyday lives. Fears of social isolation, addiction to one’s phone and harmful content spark intense debate over the laws and regulations governing the online world. These include bans on phones in schools, bans on deep fakes, age verification requirements and the end of content moderation as we know it. However, the legislative process and court proceedings can be painstakingly long and leave people with the illusion they have no power to change their own situation and habits. Likewise, efforts to socially pressure tech companies to change platform policies or remove code of conduct-violating content can take time.
Luckily, we do not need to wait for the dust to settle in legal battles over tech regulation or Facebook to respond to a report. We’re free to start changing our own habits today and “protect our peace.” In this spirit, let me offer you some thoughts on how we as citizens can interact with the Internet in better ways. These aren’t laws waiting to be legislated or even business decisions for consumer activists or investor firms to push. The following five ideas are choices each of us can choose from on our own free accord, hopefully to build a digital life more adept to our social standards in everyday life:
It’s time to talk about ghosting: Everyone has experienced “ghosting”, when someone goes from always responsive to radio silence — sometimes not responding for days or weeks to your texts, emails or messages. Not only is it rude, it’s rather confusing. Is this the virtual way of “playing hard to get”? Did their phone break? Should you call 9-1-1? Online responsiveness is hard. Expecting people to always be available creates many problems, as does reading too much into people’s messages or behavior. But ghosting sucks too. You are entitled to feel hurt, annoyed or, more than anything, confused. The best way for all of us to deal with this is to err on the side of clear communication. Tell people when you’ll be mostly offline for a week — whether to complete a serious project or go on an adventurous vacation. Send a brief followup if you can’t respond further to someone. Sometimes just a “Hey! I’ll get back to you. Super busy now” does the trick.
Manners still matter: Thanking people, using formal name titles (or pronouns!), holding the door for someone and other traditions seem all too uncommon today. Stress and busyness often result in us forgetting the manners once expected in social interactions. In addition to bringing all those things back, our digital lives need social cues and practices to establish trust with one another. Timely replies, as aforementioned, are good. Avoiding ad hominems or other demeaning language is obvious. Asking people before you share something involving them, like a group photo, should be a common practice. You get the point. Be a respectful, kind person. Concerns with dehumanization online start with policing ourselves and spreading good energy.
Do some spring cleaning: Same as we often purge our homes of clothes, books, decorations, house plants and other things that no longer serve us, we also need to actively set aside time for a digital cleanup. Offloading apps we no longer use, deleting those 5,000 bookmarked articles you’d planned to read or unfollowing accounts you never engage with is a healthy way to improve your online life. Just as a hoarder’s house is rather unhealthy, so too is an overcrowded Internet — it’s hard to breathe and to find things you truly need. Many experienced overstimulation and anxiety online much akin to physical claustrophobia. Allowing digital clutter to pile up distracts our mind, hindering work focus and inner peace. It was fun to take those firework pictures on the 4th of July in 2017. But you are never going to look at them again. Trash bin!
Siloing your social media: No, really, you should decline your business relationship’s Facebook follow request. Section off your platforms. In my opinion, Instagram is for close-aged friends. Gen Z only! Facebook is naturally for family. Whether that’s for political arguments or 30 aunts wishing you “Happy Birthday” is up to you. LinkedIn is where you form professional connections (not argue the politics of DEI hiring practices or DOGE-induced federal employee layoffs). Etcetera, etcetera. There’s a time and place for things, people! While we’ve passed the peak of cancel culture, the blurred lines between what is appropriate for your college friends vs. your work friends has never been mirkier. To misquote our president, “Build that wall.”
Set some business hours: Health advice regarding phone usage constantly brings this up. Immediately checking Instagram when you wake up probably causes some anxiety. Late night blue light harms those sleep patterns. Regardless of the specific advice you follow, considering the times of day you go online or use certain platforms is a healthy medium between being glued to your screen and becoming a nomad. Establish boundaries with certain relationships, such as responding to your boss after hours or inbound phone calls from Mom. At a bare minimum, hop over to Netflix by 10pm and focus on a long-form show as opposed to doom-scrolling Reels. Regular usage of your devices does not need to become an addiction. Innovation has solved that too.
This list is far from exhaustive. I’m sure many have their own tips to share, from parental controls to organizing your files and bookmarks. But as the government moves at a glacial pace and poses numerous threats to civil liberties and privacy concerns, Americans can self-govern online through cultural norms and habits. Relying on a Congress who barely understands tech to then regulate it seems like handing a toddler the nuclear codes. But that’s just me.
Author bio: Sam Raus is a nationally-published political analyst and trained public relations professional working across the private and public sector. He writes about various issues including tech policy, economics, foreign relations, applied history and culture. Raus is a native of the Philadelphia metro area and avid reader. Sam Raus can be found on X @SamRaus1.
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